I've seen my friends lose their loved ones and, in many cases, find the process even more trying and stressful because they weren't prepared. While I'm still lucky to have my parents, my dad's sick and our time is limited. What do I need to do to prepare for the inevitable?
Sincerely,
MB
Dear MB,
I'm sorry to hear about your dad. Handling a death in the family is always difficult, especially when it's a parent, but you're doing the right thing by planning ahead. Rushing through arrangements and figuring out legal details are among the last things you'll want to do during a time of mourning. Aside from being terribly sad, the death of a loved one can be complicated, expensive, and a lot of work. While you can't eliminate the stress entirely, you can plan and ask for help in advance to minimize it.
Discuss and Arrange Funeral Plans in Advance
If the financial burden has been placed on you in full or in part, you essentially have two options: save the cash ahead of time or ensure you have credit available. While credit isn't the best option, as you may end up paying interest while you wait for benefits to come in, many banks will extend your line temporarily in the event of a death if you simply call and ask. This is not an easy call to make last-minute, so make it early. Some banks may require proof of of a life insurance policy or even a death certificate when the day finally comes. Knowing these details in advance will help you approach the situation more practically when you'll likely be very emotional.
Making the actual arrangements will be difficult regardless of if you're doing it alone or with other family members. When multiple people are planning, arguments can often arise regarding minor details. When you're handing the arrangements alone, you simply have a lot of work for one person. Chances are, however, that a number of decisions have been made already. Cemetery plots are often purchased in advance. Some people prefer cremation and have decided that's what they want. While it's never an easy conversation, you'll need to discuss preferences with your terminal loved one. In the case of a parent, sometimes that conversation is best had with the healthier of the two. In some cases, the surviving parent may be too distraught to discuss details. Who to speak to about the arrangements is a personal and situation-specific decision. You'll have to judge what's best for you and for your loved ones. Of course, the sooner you discuss the details the better. Talking about death is much easier when it feels farther away.
Ask for Help Before You'll Need It
Of course, friends and family will be the greatest help. Decide who you want by your side and who you don't beforehand. Ask for assistance before you need it so you know you'll have it. While most everyone will want to help you, if you're asking for it just days in advance they won't be prepared. Additionally, you'll want to inform your boss in advance as well. You obviously won't know dates, but if you're expecting an upcoming loss your employers will most likely accommodate your needs to take time off when it comes. They're far more likely to help if they know what to expect.
Acquire Forms and Legal Documents
When planning for a death, there are several documents you may need and calls you'll need to make. If you're publishing an obituary in a newspaper, for example, find out the process from the paper before you have to submit so the task can be handled without much thought. If you're responsible for notifying the government of your family member's death, acquire those documents ahead of time. You may also need to close bank, investment, and other financial accounts. If you can fill any of them out in advance, at least partially, you'll be better off. Paperwork is not something you'll want to do when you lose someone you love. Additionally, if you're in charge of the will you should obtain a copy early. If a lawyer or other family member is handling the reading and dispensation of property, just find out what they need from you so you're prepared.
Configure Your Phone and Mail for Lower Volume
Additionally, find a friend to handle your mail for a couple of weeks. Just hand them a mail key and your checkbook so they can get your mail and handle as much of it as necessary. It's not a huge task, but you'll likely fall behind in a time of grief and you don't want to incur any charges. Having someone write a few checks on your behalf and make sure you don't miss any important mail makes all the difference. It's everyday life that can be the toughest, so assistance with regular tasks can help you get through the initial period of grief.
Love,
Lifehacker
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